Choices
by lovesdaryl
Summary: After the farm, Daryl isn't sure yet whether or not he wants to stay with the group.


The ease with which she'd settled in behind him surprised him. He hadn't taken her for that kind of woman, nor Ed for that kind of man. But her settling in like that didn't necessarily mean she'd ridden before, did it? Then again, it wasn't truly important enough to warrant thinking about it. Reining in his drifting thoughts, he concentrated on the road ahead again, painfully aware that he was leading the others.

They'd stopped briefly about an hour out, in the black of night, discussing the general direction they wanted to take, agreeing on what to do, where to go, should they be separated or lose one another. Not that traffic was exactly dense, but the herd that had overrun the farm, driving them off, had alerted them to the fact that there might be more such large groups of walkers on the move and they might run into them.

The sun was rising over the horizon and he was looking forward to its heat. The night on the bike had been cold and he hoped that he had shielded her from the wind as she wasn't dressed for it at all. They'd need to find suitable gear for her so she'd be protected not only against the weather but also in case of an accident – not that he himself was protected, what with him not even wearing a helmet. But on the one occasion that he'd tried wearing one he'd felt suffocated and locked in, so he'd ripped it off again before even mounting his bike, and he hadn't bothered to take it along when leaving "home" for good.

They crested a steep rise covered only by brush and grass, and the sun hit them. He put out his hand, signalling a stop, and carefully slowed the bike down to a standstill. He dismounted, feeling stiff and cold. Holding out his hand, he helped Carol off the bike before putting it on its kickstand. Facing the sun again, he leaned against his bike, closed his eyes and put his head back, enjoying the heat, allowing it to seep into his tired body.

She hummed with pleasure next to him. "That feels good", she murmured. "Thank you for stopping, I was getting cold. It must be worse for you, sitting in front."

"'m used to it", he mumbled, squinting into the bright morning light. "Been ridin' since I was fifteen, rode behind Merle before that." A look of pain flashed across his face, there and gone again in an instant, and if she hadn't been watching him right then she would have missed it.

Of course. His brother. It was odd how everyone seemed to have forgotten about Merle, how everyone was ignoring that Daryl had lost his only remaining family member in Atlanta and had not even been able to give him a halfway decent funeral. While what had come shuffling out of the barn had no longer been Sophia, it was good to have closure and know what had become of her, know where she had found rest. Daryl would never have that with his brother.

"I'm so sorry you lost him", she said softly, maintaining her physical distance from him as her victim's instinct told her that he needed it, that even mentioning Merle was driving him to his limit and that, between this and the ugly Randall affair and the events of last night, he was holding himself together by sheer force of will.

"Might still be alive out there", he mumbled, briefly glancing at her and then looking out again over the rolling hills still bathed in mist and the light of early morning. The view was lovely. If the subject of their conversation hadn't been enough to remind them, she could almost have forgotten what the world had come to. What they'd all lost in a matter of days. "Tough son of a bitch, Merle. Won't go out without a fight, that's for sure. Took care a' his arm right there in that building, might've made it out." He sounded proud and defiant.

Hearing footsteps, he glared over his shoulder at Rick approaching them from behind, and for a moment she was afraid he was going to lose it. After all, it was Rick who had handcuffed Merle up on that roof. And it was Rick who had left Sophia behind in the woods, all alone. And it was Rick who had told Daryl not to go back to the farm to look for Andrea. But then he visibly reined himself in, taking a deep breath before turning around to face the ex-cop.

"Why are we stopping?" Rick asked, careful not to step into the wide personal space Daryl always established around himself. Carol couldn't help but notice that Rick stopped at a much greater distance from Daryl than her own, yet the hunter still seemed comfortable with her standing next to him, both of them still touching the bike.

"'s fuckin' cold on the bike", Daryl all but growled. "And we been ridin' at least since midnight, so that makes it roughly seven hours. Need ta take a break, get warm, get some rest, find some food."

Rick nodded. "Of course, you're right. Should we set up a camp?"

Daryl looked at him as if he'd grown a second head. "What would we want a camp for up here? This is all exposed, no shelter, no water, no nothin'! Naw, just a stop to get warm in the sun, maybe get a few rabbits or squirrels, nothin' big, sein' as we're on the move."

"We'll get a fire going –", Rick began, sounding enthusiastic.

Daryl glared at him in contempt. "Yeah, right, you go ahead an' do that– might as well set up a beacon!" How had these people made it this far without any survival instinct at all? How had this man been a cop?

Watching the others slowly and stiffly climb out of the cars parked on the road behind the bike, Carol glanced at Daryl as if taking her leave from him and then made her way toward Hershel, Beth and Maggie. He watched her for a moment, admiring her ease with people, as she gently touched Beth's arm and talked to the girl, probably soothing her over the loss of Patricia who, from what he'd heard during their earlier stop, had been torn right out of her hands, before turning his attention on Rick again.

"Set up a watch perimeter, and make sure people don't fuckin' wander around as if we're havin' a picknick here", Daryl grumbled, grabbing his crossbow from his bike. "Be back in an hour. 'f 'm not back by then, leave without me."

Rick stared at him in open shock. "But –"

"You're good at that, aren't you, Rick Grimes?" Daryl sneered. "Leavin' people behind? So I can count on you to leave without me if 'm not back in an hour. No use waitin' up after that." He made a sweeping gesture, indicating the treeless hill. "There's nothing here to get lost in. If I'm not back in an hour I'll be bit or hurt too badly to make it back, and ya can't spare the time ta look for me."

Swinging his crossbow onto his back, he started out for the brush and undergrowth to the left of the road without looking back.

.-.

He returned not quite an hour later, with four rabbits strung up on a string hanging from his belt. Of course, there not being any trees around here, he hadn't found any squirrels, but four rabbits would make for a nice dinner. Stopping in the shelter of the brush before stepping out into the open, he let his eyes roam over the group gathered on the road. He'd decided to throw his lot in with them for the time being, but that didn't mean he liked it or them.

Officer Friendly and his family and Hershel and his daughters were sitting huddled together in two separate groups. The Grimes couple looked mighty uncomfortable, avoiding each others' eyes and not talking, ignoring even their son, while the Greenes were sitting with their arms around one another and their heads close together. Glenn and T-Dog were sprawled on the hood of the truck, basking in the sun, with Glenn mooning at the older Greene daughter from time to time.

Carol was leaning against his bike, her head back, her eyes closed, hugging herself. He dared not imagine what she might be thinking of.

Nobody was keeping watch. Nobody was even carrying a fucking weapon. Whatever else you could say about him, that asshole Shane would never have been this careless. Hell, Andrea, who had had no fucking police training, had had more sense than that. What was this man doing leading a group of people? He should really pull his stakes and just leave. But he didn't know if he'd be able to function with just her for company. He wasn't good around women in general. And he sure wasn't good enough company for a woman like her. As a result, he was stuck with these dickheads.

He stormed out onto the blacktop, fuming. "Grimes!" he yelled. "Ya tryin' ta get all these people killed?"

Rick jerked up as if shot, looking around wildly. "What is it? Don't make so much noise!"

Daryl's eyes were all but spitting hatred. "Nobody's on watch", he snarled. "Why do I even bother with you people?" He turned toward his bike, then thought better of it and looked back once more. "Catch", he snapped, yanking the rabbits off his belt and throwing them toward Rick. "Follow, or don't. I'll be just fine on my own. But if we stay together you watch out for yer damn fuckin' asses if ya wanna be the leader of this merry band. I ain't leadin' anyone here. Get yer shit together!"

Rick stared at him in open-mouthed surprise, but Daryl didn't bother to wait for a reply. He stormed off toward his bike, still radiating anger and frustration. Here he was, trying to keep these people fed, even as Grimes was trying to get them killed by not getting his ass moving. At least his kid hadn't been running circles around his parents for once.

Incredibly, Carol tried to calm him down as he approached the bike. "Don't be so hard on him", she pleaded. "He's in a difficult place with Lori, and he just lost his best friend. They were together when he was shot before the Turn."

"Wouldn't be surprised if he'd been the one shootin' 'im either", he muttered, glaring. "We're all lucky that murderous bastard's gone. He woulda stopped at nothin' to protect Rick's wife 'n' kid. Woulda sacrificed every last one of us, includin' Rick, same as Otis."

She stared at him, speechless. "Otis?" she finally managed after a long silence. "The man who went to get the medical supplies for Carl with him?"

"Fuckin' bastard claimed they got overrun, yet he came back with his rifle. How'd he get that if the guy was overtook by walkers? You tell me." He lashed his crossbow in place on the bike before turning back to look at her again. "I sure as hell ain't no cop", he growled, "but if I noticed, and Dale noticed, then Rick musta noticed, too. Yet he never said a word, never called him on it. Now, why would that be?"

She didn't answer.

.-.

That night, huddled around a fire built with bone dry wood so it wouldn't smoke, and in the abandoned ruin of a farmhouse so it wouldn't be visible from a distance, they roasted the rabbits for dinner. Daryl helped himself to a foreleg and disappeared into the night, crossbow at the ready, knife at his belt, after Rick had declared that democracy was over.

Staring after him long after the darkness had swallowed him, Carol quickly finished her share and excused herself, saying she'd get into a car and try to sleep. Stepping out of the ruin, she looked around, ears perked for the tiniest sound, trying to locate him.

Of course, he was way ahead of her. She never heard a sound before she felt a brush of air on her arm. "'s too dangerous out here", he mumbled. "Mustn't run out all on yer own."

"I knew you were here", she objected, not adding what they both knew to be true, even though he'd never said as much – as long as he was around, he would keep her safe. "So", she asked, turning around to face him in the darkness, "you've decided to stay around?" With the light of their campfire shielded by the ruin's walls, only the moon was illuminating his face. The tenseness that she'd seen in him while he'd been with the group had bled out of him. Out here, alone, in an environment he knew inside out and was famililar with, he was comfortable and relaxed, all that he could be, fully in control.

"Ain't no use goin' it alone", he admitted. "Nobody can't make it on their own any more. He's not like Shane. He's not like those assholes that Randall kid was with. He has honor, like I said. When he comes out of his funk, I think he'll try ta do right by us. And the old man might be good for him as well."

"You might be good for him", she suggested, looking up at him. "As a friend. And to give him advice."

He snorted with joyless amusement. "Yeah, right", he mumbled, gnawing on the inside of his lower lip. "Like he'll want to replace one asshole with another."

"Give yourself some credit", she chided softly. "I stand by what I said a few days ago – you're every bit as good as him. All you need is a chance to prove yourself. In fact, I'd trust you over him any day."

He wanted to snort again, but looking at her earnest face stopped him both from snorting and from walking on. Heart thundering in his chest, hands twitching with nervous energy, he looked down at her. He saw the trust in her eyes, the gratitude still shining in them even though he'd ultimately failed her. She meant every word she'd said. She believed he was as good as Rick. She believed he would be able to help these people.

Maybe, then, he should give it a try. Give it his all.

Prove himself, not to them, but to her.


End file.
